My word of the year for 2013: Trust.  Kicked my ass.

I stayed home alone this NYE after taking myself out to a burger and the pastel sunset on the Crows Nest patio. I got home, turned on the Christmas lights, built a fire, and read my blog posts and journal from the year. I put a pen in hand to answer these questions.  I cried a lot.

Not in a bad way. In a letting-go sorta way. In a heart-overfull kinda way. A lot of big shit happened this year.

I’m proud of myself. My heart’s softer. I’m more at ease here at the end of the year than maybe ever since I was a youngster. Things land deeper and truer with me now. I pulled by big-girl underpants on more than once this year and showed up to what needed to be done without getting hard about it. I got a lot better about letting go and just letting things be. I’m easier on myself and others.

I’m endlessly grateful for my tribe. I fell hard in 2013 after an epic year of flight in 2012.  My people caught me quick in their loving arms and true eyes. I am sure now, no question, and know in my bones I am happily welcome at the table of the feast that is my community in this sleepy arty beach town and so many homes farther afield.

Right now is just a moment in the stream of things rolling over the last day on the 2013 calendar.  I’m haven’t finished the sweater I started in 2009.  My tattoo is paused at half-skin half-color.  The house decision is in-process on spreadsheet after spreadsheet. I still can’t play an F chord on the guitar. Natascha’s moving boxes are stacked in the hallway. The dreams I don’t know yet as my dreams are still waiting for me around a corner in some year to come.

Still, its good to pause here in the space between breaths. To look back at from the crest of the hill before dropping down the other side.  To stop and just stand in the post-harvest field up to my ankles in rich black soil and manure before deciding what to plant next.

Thanks to all of you (you know who you are) who gifted me with all the joy, love and great adventures I see in my 2013 rearview.